Hello and welcome to the fifth annual College Basketball Tournament of Names! The parental creativity is deeper this year than ever before. You’ll also see some bracket legends return for second and third runs. Searching rosters from Miami to McPherson, I have assembled a field of 64 players that will not disappoint.
You can find the full, printable version of the bracket here: 2022 Bracket PDF
And here is the link to first round voting: Voting Form
Rotating between men’s and women’s names on a yearly basis, the men are back and will be trying to follow up (or clean up) some of the stunning results from last year. In our most NSFW final so far, powerhouse #1 seeds Daley Handy and Jalyn Sackrider battled it out in a close vote, with the title landing in the reliable hands of Daley. It was a true passing-of-the-torch moment, as returning co-semifinalists and #1 seeds Fanny Wadling and Forever Toppin could not recapture the magic of their championship match in 2019.
Our returning players policy has changed and is documented below. You are eligible to return if:
- You play D-I basketball and we like your name
- You play D-I basketball and we don’t particularly like your name, but it could be used in a funny matchup.
- You play lower than D-I, but have a legitimate shot (according to the seeding committee) of winning the entire tournament.
Returning players will be marked with one asterisk per year they’ve already competed. Double stars for PJ Pipes.
Names to Watch
Buck Eagleburger (Simpson) – #1 overall seed, Fanny Wadling Region – Buck saw the promised land in 2020 as a finalist but fell to Mo Beavers in a moment I’m sure he still hasn’t gotten over. Well, he’s back, and it’s his tournament to lose.
Stalin Oaks (Penn State Greater Allegheny) – #3 seed, Fanny Wadling Region – Anyone want to play 18 at a freezing Russian country club named after one of the worst people to ever live? Well, I’ve got a 9:15am tee time at Stalin Oaks in Siberia… Hopefully I’ll see you there!
In what world can a parent justify naming their kid “Stalin?” And why do I find it so funny at the same time?
Javon Freeman-Liberty (DePaul) – #9 seed, Jalyn Sackrider Region – The combination of Freeman and Liberty in the last name is too patriotic to pass up. If it were Colin Kaepernick’s bracket, forget about him, but Jared Sundin is a patriot and Jared Sundin wants Javon to win.
Ryce Piper (Drury) – #12 seed, Jalyn Sackrider Region – I don’t know what a Rice Pipe would be, but I do know this guy would be able to use one better than anyone else.
Meekness Payne (CSU Pueblo) – #11 seed, Jalyn Sackrider Region. I get a lot of Charity Savage vibes from Meekness Payne – Timid first name, ruthless last name. I hope he brings more of the Payne than the Meekness to his tournament run.
Rock Hardison (McPherson) – #1 seed, Daley Handy Region – Over the years, the #1 seed of the top left region has been perhaps the most prestigious spot in the whole bracket. While the #1 overall seed is typically a tried-and-true name like Leroy Butts IV or Fanny Wadling, the second #1 seed is where the splashy newcomers debut. Enter Rock Hardison. Anyone involved in naming him as a child needs to be commended, and the least we can do for their efforts is give the man an imaginary trophy he’ll never know about.
Brewster Peacock (Rogers State) – #5 seed, Daley Handy Region – Peacock always plays as a last name, but when your last name is Peacock and your first name rhymes with “rooster,” that’s special.
Maximus Bo (Concordia University Irvine) – #7 seed, Daley Handy Region – If you thought you were the most Bo out there, you were sadly mistaken. Nobody is more Bo than Maximus Bo.
Maximus Farthing (Grand Valley State) – #2 seed, Daley Handy Region – Sticking with the Maximus theme, this Max was one H away from a spot on Names Bracket Mount Rushmore.
Supreme Cook (Fairfield) – #1 seed, Forever Toppin Region – I’d eat at this guy’s restaurant.
PJ Pipes (Santa Clara) – #4 seed, Forever Toppin Region – Here we have it, our first three-time Tournament of Names participant, and deservedly so, I must say. With all the flashy names out there, this short and simple gem has stood the test of time. Congratulations, PJ. You have made our bracket a better… bracket.
Travarus “Bob” Carroll (Montevallo) – #10 seed, Forever Toppin Region – I wish this brief write-up had all the information you needed to know about how we got from “Travarus” to “Bob” as a nickname, but the ambiguity might be better. I’ll let you come up with your own theories.
Johnson & Johnson… & Johnson – Harry Johnson (#8, Forever Toppin), Puff Johnson (#12, Forever Toppin), and Biggz Johnson (#12, Fanny Waddling) are a trio of formidable Johnsons that will be wild-cards in their respective regions.
Matchups to Watch
#6 Godly Marc vs. #11 Sunday John – First Round, Fanny Wadling Region – The family friendly matchup of the year surrounded by the usual mess of penis and butt puns.
#4 Adonis Arms vs. #13 Stevie Strong – First Round, Jalyn Sackrider Region – The arms of Adonis failed to take down the Pipes of PJ in the inaugural bracket gun show, but Adonis gets a second shot this year against another Strong competitor.
#4 Zameron Boozer vs. #13 Cameron Boozer – First Round, Daley Handy Region – In full transparency, Cameron Boozer is no longer on the Auburn Montgomery basketball roster as of this writing, but he transferred there at the beginning of the year and needed to be included for the sake of this matchup.
#3 Legend Stamps vs. #6 Legend Geeter – Potential Second Round, Daley Handy Region – Just a couple of Legends going at it.
#2 Shackeel Butters vs. #7 Shavaul Butters – Potential Sound Round, Fanny Waddling Region – Shackeel took a year off from the bracket in 2020, but he’s back looking to defend his status as the best Butters to ever compete. Younger brother, Shavaul, has a spectacular opportunity to make a name for himself with an upset.
#2 Champ McCorkle vs. #3 Styles McCorkle – Potential Sweet 16, Jalyn Sackrider Region – So many battles of the brothers this year. This will be a test of Styles vs. substance, and hopefully the Champ prevails in the name of competition.
#1 Supreme Cook vs. #6 Man Man Baker – Potential Elite Eight, Forever Toppin Region – The Cook or the Baker? Dinner or dessert? I think the Cook will reign Supreme if this matchup comes to fruition.
#1 Tony Toney vs. #3 Derrick Herrick – Potential Championship – If you like rhymes, this is the matchup for you, and it seems like a reasonable possibility given the seeds.
